Ich habe mir erlaubt, eine Szene umzuschreiben.
Man möge sich vorher das Original anschauen, welches man hier findet (00:00 – 01:44): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iFX5b6gnLg&t=103s
Dieser nervige Agent, Jarvis, fragt da ganz entsetzt: “Must we talk in this way?”, als wäre das Gespräch vulgär oder sonst in irgendeiner Form unzumutbar. Dabei wird nur einmal offen über die finanzielle Situation gesprochen.
Das habe ich zum Anlass genommen, die Szene so umzuschreiben, dass dieser vermaledeite Jarvis auch einen Grund hat, diese unsägliche Frage zu stellen. Bei den Beleidigungen wurde strikt darauf geachtet, britisch zu bleiben. Viel Spaß!
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Lord Grantham: LG
Mr Crawley: MC
Mr Murray: MM
Mr Jarvis: MJ
MM: “Surely, Lord Grantham, you don’t question Mr Crawley’s goal of making the estate self-sufficient? Unless, of course, you’re an even bigger fuckwit than I thought you were.”
LG: “No! But I question the twat’s plans for the useless wazzocks of employees and the utterly worthless proletarian plebeian chavs we kindly allow to reside on our property in order to achieve it. Can’t we allow things to evolve more gently, as we did in the past? Like my cock evolved last night when your plug-ugly scrubber of a mother took off her filthy clothes to reveal her idiot factory some call her ‘cunt’.”
MM: “The past is not much of a model. You should know. Your mama was not a model then, nor is she now, that ugly bitch! Speaking of your moronic family: The third Earl nearly went bankrupt, no doubt having overspent on booze, whores and cocaine. The fourth only saved the estate by popping his clogs, rendering the entire area ecstatic and what would you all have done in the nineties without the new Jewish money of that trollop of a wife of yours?”
LG: “I say, Murray, when I asked you to say what you think, I didn’t mean to be taken literally, you bald, beastly tosser.”
MJ: “Must we talk in this way?”
MC: “Yes, I’m afraid so! It may be hard for someone like you who is dead from the neck up but it’s quite vital, you gormless dickhead! Thanks to Mr Swire, that dead barmy wanker, we have another chance, but we have to change our ways. Like I changed your mama’s ways in bed last night, that daft minger. All I’m talking about is investment, like stuffing my dick up your mama, that fucking abomination, increasing productivity, like I did yesterday thanks to some pills and reducing waste, like I did when I used one condom twice.”
MJ: “Waste!?”
MC: “Yes! The estate has been run very wastefully for many years which is obvious to anyone who hasn’t completely lost the plot. You really are daft as a bush, aren’t you, you fucking bell-end?”
MJ: “I won’t listen to this!”
LG: “Now, come on, Jarvis! If I can listen to it, so can you, you manky muppet!”
MJ: “No, Lord Grantham, I can’t! Am I to stand here after 40 years of loyal service to be accused of maleficence and … and corruption?”
MC: “Nothing of the sort! But speaking of that time frame, according to your maggoty wife you also haven’t satisfied a woman in 40 years, knob-head! Tell her I said ‘hello’.”
LG: “My dear chap, we must both see things have to move forward. Like your mama on all fours last night. And the night before that. My goal is to find a way of least disruption, won’t you stay and help me with that, you dodgy git?”
MJ: “My Lord, will you give me a good reference?”
LG: “Yes, of course, I will! Come to think of it, you’ve leeched off of me long enough, you dirty prick of an eyesore!”
MC: “Mr Jarvis, you airy-fairy plonker: If I have offended you in any way, then I offer my sincerest apologies, you tacky piece of white trash!”
MJ: “I’m the old broom, Mr Crawley, you are the new. I wish you luck with your sweeping. My lord.” [Exit]